“It is true social media is the best yet the worst thing that happened to this generation. Social media is being used for the good, the bad and the ugly; marriages are being broken," Robert Burale, a relationship expert, said.
The expert say that despite social media having its perks when it comes to relationships, the negative side of it has made people become laid-back in as far as personal security and space are concerned.
“Some people post photos to attract attention; one may not say much, but the brain behind that is to sell him or herself, maybe to say, ‘I am available, if not long-term, for a siesta,” Burale said.
“Social media has made people believe the more people love you, the more likes and comments you have on social media.”
“In those interactions, it is a transaction; show me your merchandise and I will show you what I can do with it,” he said.
Charmpe Seko, a young adult, in an interview with The Star narrated his experience with flirting online.
“Yes, I flirt when I want to know someone well, when I’m bored, when I like their vibe, and when I want them,” Charmpe said.
He said he preferred using the WhatsApp platform if he has their contact or Instagram when their handle is available.
“Sometimes it’s a mood booster if the vibe is reciprocated. It can also be a way of escaping loneliness; we know where that can lead for a man,” he said.
"Flirting, in my opinion, is a way of adding points to one’s ‘portfolio’ and keeping one in check; with it, I feel I’m still in the game, not rusty.”
The young adult said online flirting to him is like a way to be someone totally different from what can actually be seen.
“If we meet in an online avenue where no words are spoken but only read, I can conform to anything and unleash my inner me without being subject to judgement, and I will be free because no one is seeing me or judging how I look and what I am saying compared to face-to-face," Charmpe said.
He said he prefers flirting on social media because some of the words used in flirting may be seen as corny or gross, but if read, most, if not all times sound charismatic.
“I can be afraid to tell you something to your face but quick to press send on that risky text because I know if it hits the wall, I can just press delete and start afresh, unlike physically where you cannot make someone not hear what I have said,” Charmpe added.
A lady chats on phone /COURTESY
Person X, alias Leila, said she engages in online flirting sometimes for fun or with the hope that it leads'somewhere’.
“I use WhatsApp mostly since it is the commonly used platform for texting back and forth as compared to other platforms,” Leila said.
“Flirting online gets me excited as it gives the dopamine rush I look for, you know, talking to someone that I like and seems to like me back,” she said.
Leila said she prefers online flirting as compared to physical interaction because online, one can say anything they desire without feeling shy.
“It is easier to express myself online when I am not looking at the person I am talking to," she said.
Patrice (not his real name), who is married, said to him online flirting is a way to add spice to his marriage.
“Yes, I flirt online, more often it is a way for me to still feel that in as much as I am married, I still have the youth in me,” he said.
Patrice said he preferred online flirting to a physical interaction because of the privacy it brings.
“I would not go for a physical interaction because I do not want to be seen and judged by people; I would rather get the same gratification online where no one sees,” Patrice said.
“I do it when I feel I am bored or at times to satisfy my emotional curiosity, which stems from content on several social media platforms,” he said.
“Online flirting to me as a married person is like my guilty pleasure.”
Dayan Masinde, a relationship and marriage counsellor said flirting when uncontrolled can be a dangerous habit.
“Some people are so used to flirting with multiple people during their single season that they struggle to stop the habit when they are married,” Masinde said.
To the married, he said flirting outside of the marriage is a form of infidelity called emotional infidelity.
“To you, it might be just words; to the other person, they might be taking your flirtatious words seriously. Some start flirting as a game, only for their hearts to get deeply involved,” he said.
He, however, said flirting is a good thing; the question is who you are flirting with and why?
“A healthy romantic relationship requires some dose of flirting to keep the fire burning. In fact, some married folks end up getting tempted outside of the marriage because their own marriage is devoid of the flirting spark. Other married people flirt outside the union because it is a habit,” Masinde said.
“In an exclusive relationship where two people are committed to each other, whether married or dating, flirting can keep the connection spicy, making both parties feel special, desired, and longed for,” he said.
“Flirting can be a playful engagement to keep the two bonded and boost intimacy.”
However, the expert said when it is done outside of a relationship, it can lead to blurred lines, confusion, heartbreaks, situationships, shallow conversations that are centred on arousal, and the cheapening of special words that should be having meaning.
